“THE DECEPTICON BUDGET CRISIS”
(A story about money, dignity, and extremely bad
financial decisions)
The problem began with a spreadsheet.
That alone should have scared everyone.
Megatron stared at the massive holographic display floating
above the Decepticon base. Numbers flickered red. Lines went down. Arrows
pointed aggressively toward zero.
Shockwave adjusted his monocle.
“Our income has decreased by forty-three percent.”
Starscream gasped.
“That’s… a very dramatic number.”
Soundwave played a sad cash register sound.
Megatron clenched his fist.
“We are conquerors. Destroyers. Icons of fear.”
He paused.
“Why are we broke?”
THE CAUSES OF THE CRISIS
Shockwave clicked through slides.
Reason One: Less Movie Work
“Humans no longer require as many villain roles,” Shockwave
explained.
“Superhero fatigue.”
Starscream scowled.
“I had range.”
Reason Two: Toy Sales Decline
Children preferred plushies.
Plushies.
Megatron whispered,
“They hug them.”
Reason Three: Universal Studios Budget Cuts
Megatron’s roasting booth was limited to weekends.
“Apparently,” Megatron said bitterly,
“I am ‘too emotionally damaging for weekdays.’”
Reason Four: Cat Rescues Pay in Gratitude
Optimus Prime sent a text.
Saved seven cats.
Received zero currency.
One hairball.
Silence filled the room.
Shockwave concluded,
“In summary: we are experiencing… an income shortage.”
Starscream collapsed onto a crate.
“I did not survive space wars for this.”
THE DECISION
Megatron sighed deeply.
“There is only one option.”
Shockwave frowned.
“Bank loan?”
“No.”
Starscream perked up.
“Crime?”
“No.”
Megatron turned toward the secret school tunnel.
“We ask… the children.”
LLoC Quotes
“We are conquerors. Destroyers. Icons of fear.”...“Why are we broke?”
“I am ‘too emotionally damaging for weekdays.’”
“In summary: we are experiencing… an income shortage.”...“I did not survive space wars for this.”
“There is only one option.”...“Bank loan?”...“Crime?”...“We ask… the children.”
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