“DECEPTICON ORIENTATION DAY: HOW WE PAY RENT AND SAVE CATS”
Megatron continues the world’s strangest tour, revealing how an evil robot
army survives on movie deals, merch sales, side jobs, and heroic acts no one
ever sees.
The kids gathered around Megatron as he stood in front of a
gigantic holographic Decepticon logo.
“CHILDREN,” Megatron announced dramatically, “Welcome to PART
TWO of your official Decepticon Base Tour.”
Ray whispered to Ethan, “Does this come with snacks?”
Ethan whispered back, “Bro we’re in an evil base, not
Costco.”
Lucy crossed her arms. “I already know this will be
painful.”
Amy took out her notebook. “Ready.”
Megatron raised a metal finger.
“Now we cover a very important topic… how we finance all
of this.”
SECTION 1 — HOW DECEPTICONS MAKE
MONEY
Megatron snapped
his fingers.
A giant hologram
flashed:
“REVENUE
STREAMS.”
Ray gasped. “BRO YOU HAVE A FINANCE
DEPARTMENT?”
Megatron nodded proudly. “Of course. Evil is expensive.”
Ethan whispered, “My respect just went up.”
Lucy: “This is terrifying.”
Amy: “Finally something organized.”
The hologram switched to clips of
giant robots exploding.
Megatron pointed at himself. “I perform stunts.”
Ray screamed, “YOU DO YOUR OWN EXPLOSIONS?!”
Megatron smirked. “No explosion can defeat me. Except
Michael Bay’s explosions. Those are… excessive.”
Lucy blinked. “So… you’re paid for this?”
“Handsomely.”
Optimus walked by carrying a smoothie.
“He also insists on being paid in cash because he doesn’t trust human banks.”
Megatron glared. “I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE.”
The hologram
changed to Decepticon toys.
Ray pointed. “Bro, I HAVE THIS ONE.”
Megatron stared. “You WHAT?”
Ethan shrugged. “Yeah bro, we battle them in Roblox.”
Megatron looked physically ill.
“Our trophies… turned into plastic collectibles.”
Optimus patted his shoulder. “It builds brand awareness.”
Megatron hissed. “It builds humiliation.”
Ray grinned. “I dropped you in the toilet once.”
Megatron considered throwing himself into space.
LLoC Quotes
“Welcome to PART TWO of your official Decepticon Base Tour.”... “Does this come with snacks?”...“Bro we’re in an evil base, not Costco.”
“BRO YOU HAVE A FINANCE DEPARTMENT?”... “Of course. Evil is expensive.”
“No explosion can defeat me. Except Michael Bay’s explosions. Those are… excessive.”... “So… you’re paid for this?”...“Handsomely.”
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