LUCY’S REPORT
Title: “How I Survived Working With Two Brains Cells
Named Ray and Ethan”
Lucy’s report was basically a diary of her suffering:
- the
screaming
- the
running
- the
explosions
- the
moment Ray tried to “talk sense into the zombies by barking at them”
- the
moment Ethan slipped on a skeleton arm and knocked over an entire lab
table
She described the emotional trauma, the migraines, the dust
allergies, and the moment Megatron appeared, roasted them so hard that even the
zombies paused.
Her final line:
“I deserve a medal. Or therapy. Or both.”
Mr. Roberts wrote in the margin:
“Please keep language school-appropriate.”
Lucy underlined the word appropriate 17 times.
RAY’S REPORT
Title: “THE EPIC ZOMBIE BOSS BATTLE (feat. Megatron, who
low-key loves us)”
Ray started his report with a doodle of himself riding a
zombie like a skateboard.
His paragraphs made no sense:
- “The
boss was huge like 3 refrigerators taped together.”
- “I
almost died like 4 times but it’s ok I lived.”
- “Ethan
set something on fire by existing.”
- “Amy
yelled at me which raised my morale +5.”
He wrote sound effects inside sentences:
- KAPOW
- BOOMITY
BOOM
- MEGATRON
INSULTS DESCEND FROM THE SKY LIKE ANGRY ANGELS
He ended with:
“Next time I want to fight TWO zombie bosses. With a
jetpack.”
Mr. Roberts stared at the paper for a full minute and then
wrote:
“Ray, please write about something REAL.”
Ray whispered to Ethan:
“Bro… he thinks we MADE IT UP.”
Ethan whispered back:
“This is discrimination against people who live awesome
lives.”
Title: “I Tried
My Best (That’s a Lie, I Didn’t)”
Ethan’s report was
the strangest of all.
Page 1 was a
dramatic retelling of how he bravely “charged into danger” (in reality, he
tripped into danger).
Page 2 became a
rant about how Ray abandoned him in a hallway full of zombie rats.
Page 3 was a list
titled:
“TOP 10 WORST
THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME DURING THE ZOMBIE INCIDENT”
Number 10 was: “Ray
forgot I existed.”
Number 3 was: “Lucy almost murdered me for touching the buttons.”
Number 1 was: “Megalodon—wait no, Megatron roasted me so hard my soul
evaporated.”
At the bottom,
Ethan wrote:
“PS: This was
all Ray’s fault.”
Ray shouted across
the classroom:
“YOU SIGNED YOUR
REPORT?? YOU CAN’T SIGN YOUR REPORT!”
Ethan yelled back:
“ARTISTIC CHOICE!”
LLoC Quotes
“I deserve a medal. Or therapy. Or both.”...“Please keep language school-appropriate.”
“The boss was huge like 3 refrigerators taped together.”...“Amy yelled at me which raised my morale +5.”
“This is discrimination against people who live awesome lives.”
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