THE KIDS’ FIRST OFFICIAL DECEPTICON MISSION
(a.k.a. FAILURE
SPEEDRUN Any World Record)
The next morning,
the Decepticon base alarm went off again.
BWAAAAMMMMP.
BWAAAAMMMMP.
Ray sat up
instantly.
“IT’S MISSION TIME, BABY.”
Ethan did a heroic
pose in bed.
“Let me at the battlefield!”
Amy threw a pillow at him.
“No battlefield. No chaos. No pressing buttons.”
Lucy added, “No explosions for at least one hour,
okay?”
Ray and Ethan nodded…
…then Megatron ripped open the dormitory doors like a
dramatic metal mom.
“CHILDREN. TODAY YOU WILL PERFORM YOUR FIRST DUTY AS
DECEPTICON RECRUITS.”
Ray and Ethan cheered.
Amy: “Oh no.”
Lucy: “Oh yes.”
1. THE MISSION BRIEFING — AND THE HORRIFYING TRUTH
The kids stood in the command center surrounded by giant
holograms.
Megatron pointed to a glowing map.
“YOUR FIRST MISSION WILL BE…
A TOP-SECRET FIELD OPERATION OF CRITICAL IMPORTANCE.”
Ray whispered: “Stealing the moon?”
Ethan whispered louder: “Kidnapping Elon Musk?”
Starscream burst into laughter.
“NO YOU ABSOLUTE WALNUTS, THEY’RE—”
Megatron blasted Starscream into a wall.
Then cleared his throat.
He paused.
Dramatic flashing
lights activated.
A drumroll played
somewhere.
“TO RETURN A LOST
CAT TO ITS OWNER.”
Ray dropped his jaw.
“THAT’S IT?!”
Ethan: “We trained for THIS?!”
Amy: “This is adorable.”
Lucy: “This is wholesome.”
Starscream, from inside the wall:
“WE ARE A GIANT ROBOT ARMY AND THIS IS OUR LIFE NOW.”
Megatron explained:
“WE CANNOT BE SEEN IN PUBLIC.
YOU, HOWEVER, ARE SMALL, SQUISHY, AND UNIMPORTANT LOOKING.”
Ray: “Thanks?”
Optimus added kindly,
“You blend in well.”
Ray: “That’s not better.”
LLoC Quotes
“IT’S MISSION TIME, BABY.”...“Let me at the battlefield!”...“No battlefield. No chaos. No pressing buttons.”
“YOUR FIRST MISSION WILL BE…A TOP-SECRET FIELD OPERATION OF CRITICAL IMPORTANCE.”...“Stealing the moon?”...“Kidnapping Elon Musk?”
“WE CANNOT BE SEEN IN PUBLIC. YOU, HOWEVER, ARE SMALL, SQUISHY, AND UNIMPORTANT LOOKING.”... “Thanks?”
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