Pet Roast Battle 2

 

🐹 PIKACHU’S ROASTS — TINY BUT LETHAL

Pikachu adjusted his tiny sweatband.

He squeaked once into the mic.

Lucy translated.
(It was… brutal.)

“Lucy, you carry me like I’m a fragile egg. GIRL. I can run 50 km/h. Put me DOWN.”

Lucy shriveled.

Then Pikachu turned to the others.

“Ray, why do you scream every time I run near your foot? I’m not attacking you, I’m TRAINING. Maybe YOU should try it.”

Ray: “HEY—”

Pikachu squeaked another line.

Lucy translated again:

“Oh and Ethan—
Your handwriting is so ugly even I can’t read it. And I am a hamster.”

The crowd died.

Pikachu went on:

“And Amy?
Stop putting hats on me. I look ridiculous. I want freedom, not fashion.”

Amy: “BUT IT’S CUTE—”

Pikachu: squeak = “You think everything is cute. Fix that.”

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🐱 SUNNY & HANA’S ROASTS — ELEGANT DESTRUCTION

Sunny sat on the mic like a queen.
Hana sat beside her like her royal advisor.

Sunny purred:
“Ethan, darling… your fashion sense is an emergency.”

Ethan: “WHAT—”

Hana continued:
“And the way you wake us up at 6am? You’re lucky we haven’t assassinated you yet.”

Amy whispered, “This is terrifying.”

Sunny added:
“Ethan trips over air, walls, shadows, and his own self-esteem.”

Ray: dies laughing
Sunny: “Don’t laugh, Ray. Your hair looks like a failed science experiment.”

Ray: emotionally critical condition

Hana turned to Amy and Lucy.
“You two are fine. Keep feeding us.”

They bowed like queens.

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🦁 ROAR’S ROASTS — LOUD, MAJESTIC, HEARTBREAKING

Roar stepped up.
Roared once.
Ethan translated:

“ETHAN. STOP CALLING ME A ‘KITTY.’ I AM A LION. I COULD EAT YOU.”

The audience wheezed.

Roar roared again.

Translation:
“Ray. You run slower than my tail. Do better.”

Amy nearly fainted.

Roar wasn’t done.

“Amy, if I hear you do that high-pitched ‘Awwwwwwww look at the lion baby!’ voice again, I will file a noise complaint.”

Lucy clapped so hard her hands hurt.

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LLoC Quotes

“Lucy, you carry me like I’m a fragile egg. GIRL. I can run 50 km/h. Put me DOWN.”

“Oh and Ethan—Your handwriting is so ugly even I can’t read it. And I am a hamster.”

“And Amy? Stop putting hats on me. I look ridiculous. I want freedom, not fashion.”

“You two are fine. Keep feeding us.”