Chapter 7: Ethan Tries to Be Cool
At school, Ethan decided he needed to “level up” socially.
“I’m gonna be mysterious,” he told Ray. “Girls like mysterious guys.”
“Ethan, you’re mysterious because no one can explain your existence.”
“Exactly,” Ethan said, ignoring him. He walked up to a girl and said, “Hey, you ever think about how mirrors are just shiny lies?”
The girl blinked. “What?”
Ray groaned from across the hall. “Bro, you sound like a malfunctioning philosopher!”
But somehow… she laughed.
Ethan turned around with a smug grin. “See? It’s called riz, bro.”
Ray folded his arms. “If that’s riz, then I’m fluent in regret.”
Chapter 8: Ethan Gets a Phone
When Ethan finally got his first smartphone, chaos ensued.
He texted Ray at 3 AM:
“Bro, how do I screenshot real life?”
Then:
“Bro, can I delete the government app from my phone? It keeps saying ‘Settings.’”
And later:
“I just tried to Google ‘how to turn on the internet,’ but Google didn’t load. I think I broke it.”
Ray replied, “You can’t break Google, you thumb-wielding dinosaur.”
Ethan responded, “It says 404. Does that mean it’s 404 years old?”
Ray facepalmed so hard his ancestors felt it.
Chapter 9: The Roast Battle
Eventually, Ray couldn’t take it anymore. He declared an official “Roast Ethan Day” during lunch.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Ray announced, standing on a cafeteria table, “today we honor the bravest, dumbest boy alive.”
Ethan grinned, thinking it was an award.
Ray continued, “Ethan once failed a blood test because he couldn’t remember the answers.”
The crowd laughed.
“Ethan thinks Wi-Fi is short for ‘Wife Finder.’”
More laughter.
“Ethan once tried to charge his phone by putting it in the microwave!”
Ethan shouted, “It worked for five seconds!”
Ray smirked. “Yeah, right before it became a fireball.”
Even the teachers laughed. Ethan stood, arms crossed, pretending to take it like a champ—but then Ray dropped the final blow:
“Ethan’s brain has a loading screen.”
The cafeteria erupted. Ethan just nodded and said, “Facts.”
LLoC Quotes
“I’m gonna be mysterious,...Girls like mysterious guys.”
“Bro, you sound like a malfunctioning philosopher!”
“Bro, how do I screenshot real life?”
“I just tried to Google ‘how to turn on the internet,’ but Google didn’t load. I think I broke it.”
“Ethan once failed a blood test because he couldn’t remember the answers.”
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