Chapter 4: Ethan vs. Cooking
One Saturday, Ethan decided to “learn to adult” by cooking spaghetti. Ray came over to supervise—mostly to prevent a potential insurance claim.
“Step one,” Ethan said confidently, “boil the noodles.”
“Good start,” Ray said.
Ethan poured noodles into a pot—then filled it with milk.
Ray blinked. “Why are you using milk?”
“Because it makes cereal soft. So it’ll make pasta soft too.”
“Ethan,” Ray said flatly, “I’ve met pigeons with higher IQs.”
Five minutes later, the milk boiled over, coating the stove in creamy disaster. Ethan stared at the mess and said, “It’s evolving.”
Ray handed him a towel. “Yeah, evolving into your final report card.”
Chapter 5: The Job Interview
Ethan decided to apply for his first job. He asked Ray to “help him prepare.”
“Alright,” Ray said. “Pretend I’m the interviewer. What are your strengths?”
Ethan thought for a moment. “I’m really good at sleeping.”
“Try again.”
“Eating?”
“Try again but without exposing your lifestyle.”
“Oh! I’m loyal!”
“To what? Snacks?”
Ethan nodded solemnly. “Yes.”
“Bro, if laziness were a skill, you’d have a PhD.”
The real interview didn’t go any better. The manager asked, “Why do you want to work here?”
Ethan replied, “Because my mom said if I don’t, she’s changing the Wi-Fi password.”
Chapter 6: Ethan Learns to Drive
Nothing terrified Ray more than the day Ethan got his learner’s permit.
“I got this, bro,” Ethan said as he climbed into the driver’s seat. “Driving’s just like playing Mario Kart, right?”
“No, Ethan,” Ray said, gripping his seatbelt for dear life. “This isn’t Rainbow Road. You can’t throw banana peels at traffic.”
Two minutes later, Ethan asked, “So… which pedal makes it stop?”
“The one on the left,” Ray said cautiously.
Ethan slammed it—and the car lurched forward.
Ray screamed, “THAT’S THE RIGHT ONE!”
They somehow rolled into a bush. Ethan, unfazed, nodded. “Yeah, I meant to park here.”
Ray stared at him, wild-eyed. “You parked in nature’s front yard!”
“Why are you using milk?”...“Because it makes cereal soft. So it’ll make pasta soft too.”
“I’ve met pigeons with higher IQs.”
“What are your strengths?”... “I’m really good at sleeping.”...“Try again.”...“Eating?”
“Bro, if laziness were a skill, you’d have a PhD.”
“Driving’s just like playing Mario Kart, right?”...“No, Ethan...You can’t throw banana peels at traffic.”
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