Ethan was, without question, the dumbest boy in the entire universe. Not just regular dumb—his stupidity had texture. If intelligence were rain, Ethan lived in a drought.
And unfortunately for him, his best friend was Ray: self-proclaimed “genius,” actual chaos incarnate, and the reigning king of roasting Ethan into dust.
Chapter 1: The Cereal Catastrophe
It all started one Monday morning when Ethan called Ray screaming,
“BRO, I THINK I INVENTED SOUP!”
Ray sighed. “What did you do this time?”
“I put milk in my cereal… then heated it up in the microwave. It’s warm now. Bro. It’s like… cereal soup.”
Ray stared at him over FaceTime. “Ethan, that’s just hot cereal.”
“Yeah, but like… if soup can be made of noodles, why can’t soup be made of Cheerios?”
“Because soup doesn’t come with a cartoon tiger on the box, you absolute breakfast gremlin.”
Ethan blinked, completely unfazed. “You jealous ‘cause you didn’t think of it first?”
Ray rubbed his temples. “No, I’m jealous of anyone who hasn’t spoken to you today.”
Chapter 2: Ethan’s Science Project of Doom
A week later, Ethan announced that he was entering the school’s science fair.
“My project’s called The Solar-Powered Flashlight!” he told Ray proudly.
Ray raised an eyebrow. “Wait. You mean a flashlight powered by the sun?”
“Yeah! It charges during the day, and you can use it at night!”
“Buddy,” Ray said slowly, “that’s literally called a solar light. They sell them at Daiso.”
Ethan froze. “Wait—they STOLE my idea already?!”
“No, you genius turnip, you ‘invented’ something that already exists.”
Ethan’s face fell. “So what if I just put two solar panels on it? Double power?”
“Congratulations,” Ray said, deadpan. “You’ve invented the sun twice.”
Chapter 3: The Great Math Meltdown
Ethan’s next bright idea came during math class. Their teacher asked, “If a train leaves at 3 PM and travels 60 km per hour—”
Ethan’s hand shot up. “WAIT. How can a train leave? Like… it doesn’t have legs?”
Ray nearly fell out of his chair. “Bro. BRO. You didn’t just—”
“No, like seriously!” Ethan continued. “You said the train leaves. So who’s driving it? Does it just… roll away?”
The teacher blinked twice and muttered something about early retirement.
Ray whispered, “Ethan, you make rocks look like Harvard graduates.”
Ethan grinned. “Thanks, man.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“I know, but I’m taking it as one anyway.”
LLoC Quotes
If intelligence were rain, Ethan lived in a drought.
“You jealous ‘cause you didn’t think of it first?”... “No, I’m jealous of anyone who hasn’t spoken to you today.”
“...that’s literally called a solar light. They sell them at Daiso.”... “Wait—they STOLE my idea already?!”
“Ethan, you make rocks look like Harvard graduates.”... “Thanks, man.”
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