“THE DELIVERY BOTS: HOW NOT TO TERRIFY YOUR CUSTOMERS”
(A masterclass in logistics, branding, and emotional
restraint)
The meeting began with a problem.
A very large, metallic problem.
Megatron stood in the center of the room next to a prototype
delivery robot.
It was twelve feet tall.
It had glowing red eyes.
It held a single pizza.
Shockwave adjusted his lens.
“Delivery efficiency: optimal.”
Lucy stared at it.
“No one will open their door.”
Ray nodded seriously.
“I would fake my own death.”
STEP ONE: DEFINING THE SERVICE
Amy pulled up a slide titled:
‘Decepti-Delivery™: Robots That Bring Food, Not Fear’
“Our goal,” she said,
“is to help restaurants during peak hours.”
Ethan raised his hand.
“And not cause lawsuits.”
Megatron frowned.
“Humans fear us?”
“Yes,” everyone replied.
SERVICE SCOPE
- Food
delivery
- Tray
carrying
- Dishwashing
- Inventory
transport
“No lasers,” Lucy added.
Starscream sighed.
“Again?”
STEP TWO: REDESIGNING THE ROBOTS
This took weeks.
CHANGES MADE
- Height
reduced
- Rounded
edges
- Soft
LED eyes (blue, not red)
- Friendly
voice packs
Ray suggested googly eyes.
Shockwave refused.
Ethan added stickers anyway.
NAMING PROBLEM
Starscream suggested:
“DREADSERVE.”
Rejected.
Lucy suggested:
“RoboRunner.”
Approved.
Megatron practiced saying it.
“…RoboRunner.”
He did not smile.
LLoC Quotes
“No one will open their door.”...“I would fake my own death.”...“Humans fear us?”...“Yes...”
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